Thinking about L.A.

© 2010 bridget batch

My baby wants to move to L.A.

This isn't exactly news, he's wanted this for a long time. He finds L.A. beautiful (he is right), and inspiring. But now that we've been here for two months, the desire has matured. I just happen to have a life in New York, with many, many friends, that I treasure. Of course he does too, but it is different for him. I guess that he likes driving more than I do.

I've been enjoying the experience in L.A., perhaps more than I thought I would. We have friends here and I had a great shoot in Las Vegas (although I would have had that were I in NYC as well). On the art front, I've been shooting nearly every day, at least a little bit. The range of plants foreign to me, and the incredibly lush rapaciousness of them has delighted me. The driving has bothered me a little less than I thought it would, and the immediate availability of hiking really is wonderful. But I miss my New York people. My feelings on this matter are incredibly complex.

I do not look forward to returning to an apartment in New York that, due to various construction issues, has never become home. The very real circumstances of the apartment, the endless construction fixes, the motley parade of engineers, technicians and insurance adjusters in and out of it is depressing. When we returned to New York after our summer travels, we found the front yard completely unkept -- a situation that Kevin and a neighbor took upon themselves to remedy. I guess our management company doesn't do lawn care.

At this point, I would say I have lived without a true sense of home for years. A friend of mine once suggested I do a project about this. This is partly because I am not very domestic. It's also because Kevin and I are so nomadic, we have traveled so much (wow, have we been fortunate, insert gratitude here). Sometimes I feel like I am floating, a tumbleweed, without roots and, perhaps, purpose. But I also feel a sense of freedom. I am not sure that I really want to be tied to a home. It's no secret that purchasing an apartment was not my first choice. However, I always knew that we could easily rent it and fortunately I was correct.

But not being tied to a place has its disadvantages. I observe a closeness, the bonding of shared experiences, amidst groups of friends that awakens deep pain within me, certainly a longing for that and a jealousy that I am outside of that. But it's my own fault, there is no possibility of me being part of it without my physical presence!

Interesting how, when you think of a place, it's the experiences with the people there that comes first to mind. The energy of New York is amazing, but that all comes from the people.